The Sidekick Games
by ILYmarissa
Summary: It's a bit of a different day for Stephanie at the office and there is trouble brewing.I am so bad at these to please just read :]


**NEW STORY. Not so sure how great this is going to be. A bit of a different story than I am used to writing but nonetheless I think it has potential, so please do tell me what you think and if I should update or not.**

**I would like to thank MaskedSoldier for the help with the story idea. I would also like to thank my mother for making the cake that I am currently eating. **

My name is Stephanie Plum and on this completely typical Trenton day I was awoken by a not so typical phone call.

"What" I barked into the phone. I was not so fond of telephone calls before 8AM. Especially when I was out until 1 trying to get Mooner to understand that my F150 was not The Loch Ness Monster trying to eat him alive.

"Steph. It's Connie" Like I didn't know that already.

"I think you need to get down here. We are having Lula problems." In the background I could hear Lula yelling about how they were not having problems.

"How bad?"

"I would say a Nine on the Donut of Terror meter."

"Ten." Yet another phrase I stole from Ranger meaning I would be there ASAP. I thought it sounded more badass then be there in a jiffy.

I work for my cousin Vinnie at his bail bonds office on Hamilton Avenue right outside of Chambersburg, the burg for short, New Jersey where I was born and raised.

I am a Bounty Hunter, a bad one I might add. I hardly make enough to pay my rent let alone food, cable, and my Macy's credit card bill.

When I pulled my truck into the parking lot I knew something bad was going down. There were three black SUV's in the lot and one across the street housing Hal looking as much like a stegosaurus as ever. These were all of course property of one Ricardo Carlos Manoso Bounty Hunter extraordinaire. Along with being a bounty hunter he dabbles in Security and many other things people who value their lives do not speak of.

When I fell out of the car I noticed Rangers Porsche Turbo had angled in right behind me. I made a mental note to do a check for the mini GPS that I was housing in some unknown location.

"Did you get a call too?" I asked as Ranger gracefully stepped out of his car. That puts me back on the track with the Batman theory. Batman was graceful right? Or was the Spiderman? Damn.

"Yeah from Tank, he said Lula was flipping out on him and he needed some backup. And yes Batman was graceful." He said smirking.

My hands flew to my mouth, while I glared back.

"Yo Love Birds, get your asses in here before the dogs come back." Lula yelled from the front door.

It wasn't her yelling that caught my attention however, it was her outfit. How she could come up with these things I would never know. Today she was decked out in a plaid, yellow, spandex miniskirt with a matching plaid shirt that looked as if it would burst off her body any moment. She had Blue long finger nails and blue stilettos on.

I heard Ranger chuckle ever so softly behind me. Glad he found it funny, I found it embarrassing.

"The dogs?" I asked as I sat down on the old musty couch with Ranger right next to me. I thought the shock of her attire would wear off by now but I was still staring awestruck.

"Well after all that has gone down I realized that I need to bulk up if I am going to be your sidekick. I need to really be able to take someone out you know? I want to be able to kick them where it hurts, squash them like a bug, beat them like a bush."

"It's beat around the bush not beat the bush imbecile." Vinnie yelled from inside his office.

"I know he didn't just call me that. I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST CALL ME THAT." Lula bellowed. "You best get out here Goat Boy. Or is Joyce busy in there?"

"There is no one in here." Vinnie yelled back.

"Hunh, open the door then."

"No."

I knew this wasn't going to be good. Connie had stopped filing her nails and was staring intently. Tank was shaking his head, Ranger looked like he was ready to pounce, and I was about ready to laugh my ass off.

"Key." She said to Connie.

A few seconds later she was opening the door to Vinnie's office to see him caught with his pants down and Joyce laying on the desk, fully clothed lucky for us.

The thought of Joyce on the desk in that position made me think back to Dickie and that just pissed me off.

"Who called it? Lula called it. What now Bitch?" Lula said all up in Joyce's face. And for that Joyce slapped her and it all went downhill from there.

In a few of the fastest seconds of my life Connie and I were up on her desk and Ranger was holding back Joyce and Tank was doing all he could to hold back Lula.

"Is Tank actually struggling?" Connie asked?

Lula just pushed Tank aside looked at Ranger and slapped Joyce right in the face.

"Damn skippy he was struggling. I told you I was bulking up. I am now the badest, strongest, best dressed sidekick in this whole damn town."

Ranger who was standing behind me just shook his head and pulled me down onto the couch with him again.

"This is going to take a while." She whispered softly.

"Not in the whole town." Tank said flatly.

"You bet your big black ass in this whole town."

"No."

"Who could push you like I just did?"

"I could push Ranger if I wanted too."

"Ha. Like that could ever happen, no one could push Ranger."

There was dead silence except for the 6 or 8 dogs barking outside the door.

"I could do it with my eyes closed." Tank boasted.

"Steph, he thinks he is better than me. Tell him that is not true."

I stayed quiet, that would turn out bad either way.

"I bet her skinny white ass I am better than you." Lula pointed at me. I groaned inwardly.

"I bet his big Cuban ass your wrong."

"It's not big." Ranger yelled shocking all of us.

"Perfect Cuban Ass." Connie and I muttered at the same time.

"It's on bitch. It's on like Donkey Kong." Lula yelled jumping around like an ape.

"And the best sidekick competition starts NOW." Yelled Connie.

Lula grabbed the chicken bucket threw open the door and chucked all the chicken outside faster than I could have even gotten up.

There was a collective gasp about that one. I have never seen Lula let chicken go to waste. I think we just hit a 10 on the Donut of Terror meter.

"We will keep points on this one. The first one to 10 wins." Said Lula.

Tank looked a bit pained, probably couldn't believe that he just initiated all of that.

Great this is exactly what I needed. I could see this being all over the front of the newspaper. "Bombshell Bounty Hunter's Sidekick gets killed by a 500 black Tank of a man. She will be questioned about the starting of this so called Sidekick Squabble. Was it an attempted murder of a large oddly dressed backup bounty hunter? Or was it a genuine accident?"

"Babe, no one is going to die."

I know I didn't say that out loud. I even held my lips to check. I just stared at him instead.

"Call it ESP."

"What is a very sidekick type thing to do?" Connie asked. She was a desk Manager and linked to the mafia, I don't think sidekicks were her thing.

"Breaking down a door." Ranger said.

"You have got to be shitting me. Look at these shoes. These are Gianni Bini's. They cost me….well I will not tell you, you would ask me where I got them and I am not prepared to give that away. The point is you don't go around kicking in doors in GB's."

"Take them off." Tank said looking like he was ready to kill someone.

"Well you best get unlacing those monstrosities then as well bubba."

"How is the point score going to work?" I ventured.

"You Ranger and Connie will judge, that way it is even." Tank said like he had already figured that one out.

"Damn skippy you took my idea. Now you think you can take my thoughts as well as my best sidekick honor. Ha."

"What door?" Ranger asked.

"There is one on either side of the store room. Lula will go on the side facing outside and Tank will be on the inside one. We can flip a coin to see who goes first and we will judge. Simple." Connie stated.

I got the feeling she had does this many times before.

"I am heads. I am always heads." Lula yelled while prancing around looking like she had to go to the bathroom.

"I wonder why." Tank said quietly.

Ranger and I both inhaled deeply. He was really pissed off.

Connie flipped and it landed on heads, Tank went first.

Lula stayed on the couch while Ranger, Tank, Connie, and I paraded outside to watch Tank break down the door.

In one swift movement he raised his leg and extended it into the door.

There were three sounds all at once. The crashing of the door. A high pitched scream, and a low groan of pain.

**How are we feeling about it? I know it could have been better but by now my Cake high is gone. Please review and tell me if I should write more. **


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